Thursday, January 5, 2012

Questions I Hate Asking Myself

I hate it when I have to ask myself the question, "Why does my house smell like poop?" At least the answer came quickly today: because there was dog poop all over the floor. Fortunately, I had removed the area rug in the living room the day before because it had smelled like pee, so the poop was on an easily cleaned surface. Morgan has decided to potty train herself. It turns out Morgan is actually worse at potty training than I am. She removes her diaper and pants, sits on the potty, then proceeds to get up and pee wherever she happens to find herself. I do get a break from changing diapers, but a stinky house.

My New Year's resolution is for my dog to lose weight. It's not going well. Her diet is causing her to steal food more than usual and then get sick in various ways throughout my house. A resolution really works better when one party in the resolution isn't sabotaging the other party. She's actually trying to steal food off our plates while we're still seated at the table eating our meal. She's a desperate Labrador.

Another question I hate asking myself is, "Why am I awake in the middle of the night?" Last week, it was because there were moaning sounds coming from upstairs. I checked on Halle with the compassionate question, "What?"

"Well, I can't sleep because my head hurts." She then threw up all over me. She also threw up in front of the check stand at Walmart later that day when we went for supplies. I quickly cleaned it up with the paper towels riding on the belt. I had needed paper towels because Maddy had thrown up (because she had snagged some of MY FAVORITE DONUTS) and gotten sick. I had used up the last of the roll cleaning up the rug where Halle's throw up had missed me at 2:30 that morning. The lady's expression behind us in line was priceless.

It was a rough day, but I think we're all recovering. Except for Maddy, of course, who is very upset with me for making her my resolution. She needn't worry; I'm getting worn down enough that the resolution will probably be resolved before the average three weeks are up.