Santa Squirrel

Unfortunately, I recognize the scratching inside my chimney. These little visitors have overstayed their welcome before. As a matter of fact, this is our third squirrel infestation. The first was in our attic in Georgia (one feisty little feller chewed through the brake lines on a guy's car in the parking lot). The second was a couple of years ago, after a rare red cockated woodpecker pecked an enormous hole on the side of our wooden chimney. This prompts several questions: 1.) Why would anyone ever build a wooden chimney?, 2.) Why are these woodpeckers protected?, 3.) What will happen to us if we shoot the woodpeckers or squirrels within city limits? The third question has unfortunately been answered by my neighbor, a very nice lady who used to work for the police department. She kindly informed me that she would call the cops if she saw any suspicious business. She is actually very nice.

The second infestation also raised the question of how to get the boogers out of the chimney. We can't smoke them out since we can't actually use our fireplace. It was at one time a gas-burning fireplace, but the lines have since been removed. Now, a set of candles inhabits the inside. They lend a nice ambiance for the rodents. So, Willie built a squirrel pole. This is a survival technique where you take a pole, attach snares and shiny things and set it in the path of squirrels. The squirrel pole was set up in front of our bird feeder. Fortunately, we weren't depending on it for food. It was unsuccessful for three months. After a slight alteration (Oh! This must be the right squirrel path!), a squirrel was caught. I carried our 18 month old daughter up the porch steps and watched in horror as a squirrel hanged itself right in front of us. But this story does have a happy ending: Willie was able to use the tail to tie some fishing flies.

I don't know what will become of these squirrels. If they contributed, that would be one thing. Maybe I can train them to bring nuts and seeds or something. At least it isn't mice.

Imaginary Advantage

Halle got so angry with me that she removed all of her clothing. Fortunately, we were at home. I don't know why that seemed an appropriate response, but it reminded me of a similar incident involving her father. When we first bought our house, we removed the carpet and began installing laminate flooring. While laying the panels, Willie encountered "some trouble". Whenever power tools are involved, trouble is of massive proportion. We had limited materials, so one wrong cut was a crucial error. He was so frustrated, he wanted to throw something. However, doing so not only would ruin the floor that had all ready been laid, it would not be able to be replaced. Thus, in his anger, he wriggled out of his shirt and threw that on the floor. I think it helped. I laughed so hard I had to leave the room. It was such a logical, well-executed outburst it should not be openly ridiculed.

Anyhow, Halle seems to have inherited this same rationale. She also shares her father's hatred of smelly dogs. Yesterday, Halle began pointing and yelling "Bad dog!" at our innocently relaxing animal. "What are you doing?" I asked. "She's really a good dog. Why are you yelling at her like that?" Halle replied with great feeling, "When she passes gas, she is a bad dog!" It really isn't Maddy's fault. Morgan would rather feed the dog than herself. Occasionally, I have to put the dog outside so that Morgan will eat something.

Since outbursts don't work in gaining the upper hand, Halle has developed a rather ingenious method to get what she wants. She has numerous friends whom she never gets upset with or even argues with. Of course, they're all imaginary, but they seem like good company. She asked me if she could watch a movie today. I told her that she couldn't. "Well, let me ask Grover," she replied. Grover is one of her friends. He has a cat named "Lotion", a herd of cows, and a posse of dinosaurs. "Grover, is it okay if I watch a movie?" (Turning and speaking in a lower voice), "Why, yes, Halle! You may watch a movie! See Mom, it's okay with Grover, so I will go pick one out." These imaginary friends are so handy, I'm thinking of getting myself a few.

Heimlich Maneuver

Halle performed her first successful Heimlich maneuver today. Hearing Morgan wailing, I entered the room she was in and found Halle standing next to her with an expression that read, "I'm going to get in trouble, aren't I?" I demanded to know what had happened. "Well, I just dropped her."

"You WHAT?" 

"I was just trying to get the marble out of her mouth."

I congratulated Halle on her success and thanked God that He works through big sisters. It's amazing how humbling parenting is. It's also amazing how marbles can multiply and race throughout your house, be hidden countless times, and be dragged out of the depths of closets by a determined three year old.

Potato heads share this ability. Their parts never fit in their behinds, and if you find most of them, jam them together, and take them to Goodwill, body parts will miraculously appear and regenerate upon your return. Don't get me started on puzzles.

I have bought numerous puzzles with the intention of sharpening Halle's comprehension, coordination, and creativity. (Apparently, I should just focus on First Aid.) I go crazy before they can serve their purposes. Last Christmas, I bought her a bear puzzle that features Papa Bear, Mama Bear, and Baby Bear. You can change their faces to reflect different emotions as well as their outfits. Unable to wait for the green light for unwrapping, Halle served three separate sentences in time out. When she finally opened the bear puzzle, she arranged the emotions accordingly: Papa Bear and Mama Bear had angry faces, while Baby Bear had tears running down his furry face. 

That puzzle is on top on the refrigerator now. Halle may not have a future in psychology, but the medical field is still in the running.

Cards

Last night, I discovered that my 3 year old daughter cheats at cards. It was a bit of a shocking revelation, especially since I hadn't noticed her stealing my Go Fish pairs. She began laughing uproariously and waving a 3 of fishes around. "I stole this card!" she exclaimed, unable to conceal her conquest any longer. Shocked, Willie and I could do nothing but laugh.

Last week, I concealed something perhaps equally impish. At the end of the grocery cycle, I poured the last bit of Rice Crispies and milk into a bowl for Willie. Busy doing something else, we both failed to notice Monkey Cat on the counter feasting on his breakfast. I turned and quickly shooed her away, unsure of the next course of action. If I came clean, Willie would not only miss out on breakfast, (we had NO OTHER food in the house) but he would be very cranky. Wasn't it better that he leave the house with a full stomach and a happy disposition? Wasn't it better that we still have a cat?

Of course, like Halle I could not keep the information to myself and blurted it out after he came home. These events prove that I would make a horrible poker player. Hiding emotion has never held much interest for me. This is something else I inherited from my mother.

Mom and Dad came to visit at Christmas. Mom and I went to the spa, where there is a "quiet area". The quiet area has a hot tub, steam room, and sauna. On the door before you enter, there is a sign that says clothing is optional. To me, that means pants are optional. A bathing suit is not optional. This is America, people. Not a beach in France. A woman who interpreted the sign differently was enjoying the steam room. My mom entered and almost bumped into the woman's ample flesh. "Excuse me!" she said in surprise. If the woman was bothered, she had a better poker face than mine. "No problem," she cheerfully replied. Mom left. Sometimes leaving is the most tactful course of action.

Christmas Letter

We call this year our "year of anniversaries". Every month, we played the game, "Where were we last year at this time?" and we usually recalled something hospital related. We could not have imagined that this year, Willie would be leading a great team of men, doing his job at 100 percent capacity, and actually liking it. We also could not have imagined how busy we would be. By "we", I really mean Willie. The Army has tried to make up for lost time, sending him all over the globe. 

Meanwhile, the girls keep me in a different state of suspense. Halle's outrageous personality both delights and challenges daily. Here are some of my favorite Halle quotes from this year: "Everyone take a deep breath and eat your chocolate!", (after Willie said, "correct-a-mundo"), "Not 'correct-a-mundo'! Our mundo is fine!", and, (after I heard silence and asked over my should if she was doing something naughty) "Not yet!"

Morgan is Halle's personality foil. Halle will strike up a conversation with a perfect stranger. If that stranger happens to glance Morgan's direction, Morgan may cry. But Halle informs anyone who happens to admire her sister that Morgan is not their baby. "That is my baby sister. You cannot have her. She is my mommy's baby." Seeing the shock on peoples' faces is priceless. 

We were able to travel to Oregon in May/June of this year. We had a great trip, and hit most of the relatives. Halle and I got to play with some baby lions at Bandon's Petting Zoo, and Willie and Halle petted a juvenile leopard there. Morgan just got sniffed by goats. We also caught some Cubs vs. Mariners games, and were able to attend two friends' weddings. Mostly, we just enjoyed our family. 

Willie did manage to fit in several fishing trips during the year. I don't know if you can really call these "fishing trips"; they're more like episodes from Man Vs. Wild. On one trip, he slid down a 30 foot deadfall tree and jumped into a stream to rescue a rod tube that had slipped from his pack. In another country, he rode a horse along with two other riders and herded fish into a large net. 

In all, this has been an exciting year for all of us. The next year promises more challenges, but we are more than blessed with the amazing friends we have here. Most of all, we find daily that our God is faithful and good. We hope that this year will bring you the same peace of walking with Him.

Sincerely, Willie, Kara, Halle, and Morgan

Impressive Disasters

Whenever my husband is deployed, I undertake some sort of large project. One reason for this is to distract myself and stay busy, the other to impress the socks off my husband when he returns. That's right, I can fix toilets. Of course I can paint large areas of the house! You better believe I can take my car and have someone else fix it. The trouble is that I'm not actually a handy person, hence the last boast. However, I always think that with a little work, I could become Bob Vila.

So this deployment, I tackled the bathroom. After we got over eating peanut butter and jelly for an entire week, it seemed fine. Everything was finished except for the windows. I had taken down the mini blinds and ordered some faux wood blinds. They didn't come for two months, but it was still before Willie's arrival. I opened the first box. A small piece of plastic whizzed past my eye. "I hope that isn't important," I thought. It was. The non-returnable, steal-of-the-season blinds I had ordered were all kinds of jacked up. Now, except for some help from little elves, they will never work. I opened the second set of blinds, sure that I had made all my mistakes with the first set. I hadn't. I had measured wrong. Good thing they were such a good price, because that was the cost of yet another Bob Vila lesson.

Everything worked out. I bought some blinds at Lowes and their installation went as smoothly as the butter that Halle sneaks off the counter every time I look away. The only problem now is that the largest cockroach I have ever seen has bumbled into my bathroom.

After living in North Carolina for four years now, I have learned a few things about cockroaches. There are numerous species, the largest one being the Woolly Brown. It comes into houses when there is extreme weather outside, but it can't actually live inside for any length of time. That means that spraying for these things is pointless. They can't infest a house. But they can fly on your face. True story. It happened to me in Georgia. They can also fall out of a cabinet onto your arm and wiggle their antennae at you. That happened last year, and I let out a hearty scream. Willie yelled from across the house, "Was that really necessary?" I informed him that it WAS absolutely necessary. Obviously anything regarding cockroaches requires screaming.

So, since this type of cockroach cannot live in my bathroom, I just have to wait three days before I can vacuum the dead corpse up and use it again. That's the easiest fix I've had to deal with for the past three months.

Good Friends

Recently, a friend observed that most of my blog entries contain some reference to poop. This reminded me of an incident concerning her and the aforementioned substance, which I will now relate. Our good friends John and Sonja have saved our skins and sanity on numerous occasions. About two weeks after Willie left for a deployment, John called to check on the girls and me. Just about that time, I had realized that I was going crazy. Morgan didn't seem to need more than a half an hour of sleep a day and Halle was being two, which means exhausting.

"Hi, Kara," John greeted.
"Hi. What are you doing right now?" I asked.
"Well... we're going to a basketball game."
"Can I come?" He and Sonja arranged for us to meet and have Sonja ride up with the girls and me. As we drove through the chilly night, the heater began to do its job, and something began to make itself known. "Do you think one of the girls has a little gift for you?" Sonja asked. Well acquainted with that particular smell, I answered in the negative. We both checked our shoes and found them innocent. We passed the animal shelter. Surely, we reasoned, the shelter, while doing animals a good turn, was polluting the air.

Upon reaching our destination, we discovered that Halle had stepped in a "land mine" and had smeared it all over the back of the passenger seat. Basically, Sonja's hair had been flirting with disaster the entire drive.

All in all, the trip was a success. Baby wipes saved the day once more, and we got to hear a moving speech given by another friend, David, who was wearing a tuxedo. It is incredible that a little bit of craziness can actually save your sanity.